🔗 Share this article

This period marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {