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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband walked away, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She made more effort toward our bond, likely realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She's been arranging a trip to a nation I know well repeatedly and resided in for some time. My intention was to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I've just ended a month there and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. The third step is to question how you are both can shift the pattern between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

It's wildly effective to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a version of their life they won't let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present like this before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have peace that you've been truthful.